


Count Your Blessings

by MissDrarryDawn



Series: What It Means To Care [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-07 16:16:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20820197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissDrarryDawn/pseuds/MissDrarryDawn
Summary: It was so much more. It was so meaningful. Then it was nothing at all. Then it was torn apart.//Completed//Word count: 5.3k





	Count Your Blessings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [miniminis_ri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miniminis_ri/gifts).

> *sweats nervously* *apologizes profusely*

Draco swallowed thickly at Granger's question, and reached for all of his control and practice, schooling his face into indifference.

"Mione, you can't possibly think he--" Weasley whirled around, pointing an accusatory finger at Draco, who still merely watched with a, what he hoped was, disinterested tilt to his head, an eyebrow arched.

"Ron, think about it. Blonde hair, night walks, how much more he seemed to bring him into conversations, how he grinned stupidly and snickered under his breath when we cracked lighthearted, friendly jokes, how he nearly broke Seamus' nose when he said something ill of Malfoy. He nearly broke his nose, Ron." Granger mused, voice low, frantic. Weasley was rapidly paling.

"Malfoy." He clipped.

"Weasley." Draco clipped back.

"Did you have _anything_ to do with this?" The redhead asked, voice edging on dangerous.

The blonde regarded him impassively for a moment. Should he tell them? Harry had told him on more than one occasion that he wasn't ashamed of them, and would tell everyone if Draco was ready, and that did funny things to Draco's stomach that he'd attributed to postorgasmic shocks at the time. He knew these two would never betray Harry, but he worried about what kind of ideas they might get if he told them everything. Especially the bit about soulmates. Draco chewed on the inside of his cheek absently, vaguely aware they were waiting for an answer.

"How nice of you to assume I had something to do with everything that goes wrong." He finally drawled, stalling, closing off behind the well garnered Malfoy facade.

"Malfoy, please, Harry's in the Hospital Wing. Did you have anything to do with it?" Granger looked half-alarmed half-resigned while she spoke.

"Potter is always in the Hospital Wing for one reason or another. Not all of them have anything to do with me." Draco spoke in a bored tone, almost wincing at how he addressed Harry. It sounded too cold, too formal for how he actually felt about the dumb bastard.

Weasley seemed _done_, and was about to huff something, but Granger cut it off, leveling him with a sharp look.

"Would it kill you to be a decent person _for once_, Malfoy?" She sighed, exasperated.

Draco cocked an elegant eyebrow up, crossing his ankles under the table.

"Would it kill you not to assume everything is my fault _for once_, Gragner?" He bit back, having half a mind to give up this debacle and just tell them. It would easier make everyone's lives easier.

"Most of the time it is your fault Malfoy." Weasley shrugged and Draco scowled at him, though didn't dignify it with a reply.

Granger looked at the end of her tether as well, but not quite ready to give up yet:

"Malfoy. Just, if you had anything to do with Harry, just tell us." Her voice edged on a plea, though she wouldn't allow for it.

Draco studied her. He knew she was being honest enough. Would it be so bad? He _had_ told Pansy after all, so he supposed it was only fair Harry's best friends knew. A long, drawn out sigh abandoned his lungs, and he nodded curtly.

"_Alright_. Yes, I might have had something to do with it." He admitted, words like glass in his throat.

The two perked up with renewed interest, though Weasley was steadily growing redder. Granger, to her credit, was remaining impassive for the most part, except for her fingers starting to drum on the desk.

"Harry and I were..well, we were shagging. Casually, for a bit longer than a month." Draco screwed his eyes shut, a flush rising up his neck.

"You were WHAT?!" Weasley screeched and Granger smacked him with a book to shut him up because they were still in the middle of class, though she wasn't any less horrified than him.

"Shagging, Weasley." Draco repeated, resting his head in his hands, refusing to look at either of them.

"How did that ever happen?" Granger asked, voice mild. The blonde sighed, retelling the entire story of what happened up until a few days ago.

"Merlin and Salazar." Weasley groaned when it was done, gawking like an Erumpet. How fitting.

"So, you basically told him to sod off then?" Granger wringed her fingers together.

"Yes." Draco admitted on a squeak, the same rile of guilt crawling through him. _Dammit._

"And now you feel bad about it?" She continued.

"Yes, Granger. Would I have been eavesdropping on your conversation if I didn't--" He cut himself off, realizing what he'd said, and clamped his mouth shut, cheeks burning.

Weasley snorted in dismay:

"Of course you were eavesdropping." He shook his ginger head.

"You're coming with us to the infirmary after class, Malfoy." Granger announced, her voice leaving no room for complaint.

Truth be told, Draco would have done so anyways, so he didn't object. Weasley on the other hand...

"Mione!" He whined, but she shushed him.

"They're soulmates Ron, much as I loathe to acknowledge it. Maybe Malfoy could be useful."

"Even if he could, he wouldn't do anything--" Ron started, glaring at Draco. The blonde glowered darkly at the ginger:

"I'd do _anything_ for Harry, Weasley so I suggest you shut your trap before I spell it shut for you."

Weasley flinched, then his glare returned full force. He leaned in, as if he would try something, but Draco didn't budge. Granger pulled Ron back and kept her arm over his chest, keeping him there:

"Both of you stop acting like sniveling idiots right this instant." She snipped, obviously reaching deep for patience.

Weasley sat back, his glare still suspicious and intense on Draco, who looked away, not sparing him another glance.

"Just meet us in the Hospital Wing after classes Malfoy." Granger nodded before turning around, pulling Weasley with her.

A slow sigh shuddered out of Draco.

~

Lessons have never felt more grueling in his entire life, and Draco was pins and needles by the time class was finally over. He shot out of his seat the moment the last lesson was through and walked to the infirmary as quickly as he could without running there. He'd caught the sly wink Pansy had thrown him before he'd left and rolled his eyes at her antics. He found Granger and Weasley already there when he'd entered, standing next to a bed. Draco walked over to them and gaped down at Harry. He caught a whimper before it escaped his throat. Harry was pale, and slowly breathing in and out. His eyes were closed, but there was something restless caught in his expression, something distinctly pinched and painful, and Draco balled his fists up.

"How is he?" He asked Granger, not feeling particularly inclined to acknowledge Weasley. She seemed almost sympathetic:

"We talked to Madam Pomfrey before you arrived. It's..._less than desirable_, shall we say?"

Draco's eyebrow twitched, lips pressing into a thin line.

"By that you mean?" He inquired, proud his voice didn't waver.

"There's something really wrong with his mind Malfoy." Weasley spoke for the first time since Draco arrived. He cast a panicked expression over the unease caught on Harry's face.

"Well, not exactly, but sort of?" Granger offered, rubbing her temples.

"What did Pomfrey say?" Draco whinged, stuffing his hands into his pockets for something to do with them.

"She explained that when the words faded, the soulmate bond awakened, and now, his magic is pulling him to wake up, to be near his soulmate, touch and just be around them. However, the large amount of dreamless sleep he ingested has comatosed his body. Thus, there's a sort of tug of war between his body and his magic, and his mind is bearing the brunt of it."

She paused for breath.

"All of the pull is creating a dark rift in his mind, splitting the space almost, between the pull of magic and the pull of the coma he's in. It's creating an empty slot which festers and fills with memories and feelings...If this continues..." Another slow pause. "He could end up with permanent memory loss." Her voice dropped a few octaves at the end, but it sounded as loud as a Sonorus to Draco, whose heart had splinched in his chest.

His mouth had dried, throat closed and he was caught between helpless spluttering and colorful cursing. Or both actually.

"A-And the way to helping him _is_?" He pointedly choked out, a slight stutter catching his words.

"Pomfrey explained his consciousness is currently trapped in that vacuum, a sort of Purgatory of his own, and he needs to be pulled out, before he's consumed."

Weasley ran a hand through his hair:

"We can't use a spell on him though, because his magic is already pulled too taut and unstable."

The blonde turned to stare down at Harry, suddenly terrified.

"Fucking hell. How do we pull him out then?"

"Not _we_ Malfoy. _You_." Weasley corrected, and Draco halted.

"What do you mean, _me_?"

"What he means is that it has to be you, or rather, his soulmate, and that's you." Granger filled in, chewing on her bottom lip before continuing. "You need to appeal to his magic to wake him up."

"How the fuck do I _appeal_ to someone's magic?" Draco knew a note of panic was sounding in his words, but at this point he didn't really care.

"You must connect to his magical core, Mr.Malfoy." Madame Pomfrey cleared her throat behind them and all three whirled around to face her with wide eyes. "Must appeal his magic into letting you in, so that you may access the space his mind is trapped in."

Draco swallowed heavily, heart thumping in his throat, blood rushing in his ears. He felt as if he'd swallowed a bucket of ice, something heavy and cold melting and pooling in his stomach, flowing under his skin, chilling him to the bone.

"How?" He quipped, feeling unsteady on his feet.

"Unfortunately, I can not tell you, because I do not know that." The Mediwitch sighed, shoulders slumping. "This is a rare case, an unfortunate result of circumstances, and it is not very well documented. My most educated guess would be that you would have to employ the bond between you two as a direct link to his magic." 

"Right." Draco swallowed around a lump again, air leaving him rapidly.

"If Malfoy successfully uses their bond to access Harry, what is the best method to coaxing Harry's magic into complying?" Granger asked, her face stone cold, all businesslike. 

Madame Pomfrey considered for a moment:

"Since it would be dangerous to introduce magic into the process, I think the best tactic Mr.Malfoy has at his disposal is to show that he is trustworthy enough to be allowed in deeper." 

Weasley scoffed sadly:

"Good luck with that after the last thing you said to him." 

Draco's stomach burned when Weasley voiced his exact thoughts. Bloody hell he fucked up miserably.

"The dark space torn into his mind is consuming his memories and it is likely that when he wakes up on his own, it will close, swallowing those memories, causing permanent memory damage. That is why it is imperative that something is done as soon as possible. You have three days at most, Mr.Malfoy." The Mediwitch explained, a deep groove creasing her forehead.

Hearing that, Draco whimpered, surprising everyone present.

"Malfoy, are you going to--?" Granger couldn't finish the question, his sharp gray gaze cutting her off:

"Of course I bloody will! I can't let him--" This time, he cut himself off, pressing his lips into a line. He wasn't quite ready to voice the depths of his affections yet. She seemed to understand though and nodded, Weasley not commenting anything shockingly enough, before they both turned to Pomfrey.

"I have alerted the headmistress about this particular case, and she should be down to discuss more with you Mr.Malfoy in a bit. You are excused from your classes for the next three days. As for you Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley, you are dismissed. Visitation hours are over." She ushered them out, getting a modicum of protest for her efforts, though it was all for naught, because no one dared defy Poppy Pomfrey when it came to her patients. As soon as Harry's friends were out, Draco collapsed into the chair next to his bed, his knees giving out.

"Merlin to Christ, Harry, what the bloody hell have you done?" He muttered, managing a weak glare at the other boy.

"What were you thinking you idiot?" He kept murmuring under his breath venting his worry the only way he knew how.

Harry just kept breathing, looking so troubled and pained that Draco wanted to cry. He reached out and grasped the raven's hand, startled at how cold it was.

~

Harry wasn't sure where he was, but he was sure that he didn't like it.

Namely because, everything hurt. His entire body ached. His joints were clawed, his skin felt raw and seemed to have shrunken 2 sizes, every bone and muscle ached, and his head was pounding. 

He screamed out.

His voice was swallowed by the void around him. At first glance, it seemed empty, much like a dark abyss, but, Harry had noted there was something pulsing through the darkness. A slow _thump thump thump_. It was rhythmic and steady, and with a cold jostle Harry realized it was the sound of his own heartbeat.

What happened?

He couldn't remember anything before the void. It felt as if he was born into the darkness, out of it, molded and drawing life from it, like there was _nothing_ before this. Yet Harry knew that wasn't true, because he could remember a single sentence from...well, from _before_ it seemed.

_I was never yours to lose, and I never will be._

He remembered how vapid it was, how it burned him like acid. The rhythmic thumping picked up the pace as the words wreathed around his mind. 

Who had spoken them?

Someone..someone important. Yes, important. 

He couldn't remember his name, though he knew, on a visceral level, it was another boy.

Blonde hair, pale skin, molten gray eyes.

_Beautiful_.

Who are you?

Harry didn't know. 

He was _gone,_ he realized when another wave of nausea sicked over him.

His body was still thrumming with pain, but now there was more. Now, there was a splinter wedged into his mind, he felt as if that one sentence was squeezing him, had grappled a choking hold over him, seizing everything.

Tremors, breathless whimpers, soft pleas for more.

Slow, lazy pictures flicked through his mind's eye. His hands on pale skin, caressing, tugging on blonde hair, beautiful gray eyes pierced heavy with _want_. He felt as if they ought to soothe him, but instead, the splinter was wedged in deeper, tearing through him, making him scream yet again.

Love, dreams, loss.

_Loss._

The thought echoed, the images burning away, cruelly ripped away from him.

He tried to move, but every flinch seemed to tear his skin somewhere. It was pulled too tightly over his body, too taut, too much. 

An insurmountable amount of emptiness swathed over him after the images had burned to ash, and he choked on it. Funny how he was choking on absolutely nothing at all. Or perhaps it was everything he _lost_. 

Why was he gone?

Harry wanted to touch the boy again. He wanted to feel his skin bend under Harry's trailing fingertips. He longed to card a gentle tremor through the silky blonde strands. 

He knew he couldn't. Knew that he'd lost the boy.

Never again.

Harry screamed.

~

McGonagall had just left the Hospital Wing after discussing what Draco was planning to do to help Harry, and Pomfrey had retired to her office, telling Draco to call her if he needed anything, giving him some privacy to think. 

It wasn't five minutes later that Draco was dragging the Mediwitch back to Harry's bedside.

Harry started to twitch and tremble. It was so light at first, Draco wouldn't have noticed it if he wasn't focusing every molecule of his body into paying attention to him, then began drawing shallower breaths. The blonde realized his heart was speeding up, and he released a soft whimper or two. It was when the convulsions grew a bit more violent that Draco snapped out of his panic and ran to get Pomfrey.

She had rushed back to Harry, face screwing up with concern. She wouldn't use a potion or magic, but she did give Draco a small jar of some herb that smelled _lovely_ and _soothing_. She told him to keep it under Harry's nose, so that perhaps a sweet scent might calm him. He nodded and positioned it there, clutching it perhaps a bit too tightly.

~

Something penetrated the darkness.

Harry felt it wash over him.

It was a scent.

He didn't recognize it, though he didn't need to. It was so gentle and subtle, so light and calming. For a moment, he forgot about what he'd lost. For a moment, he allowed himself to be soothed. 

It wafted around him, and Harry closed his eyes, inhaling deeply, his heartbeat evening out again. 

His mind felt wonderfully blank for a few blissful moments.

Then, something flickered in the abyss.

Harry opened his eyes and stared at the faint pulse of light that swirled in front of him. He felt a chill go through him, and he wanted to grab hold of the light, hold onto it in the never ending darkness.

He reached out, fingers brushing it.

A memory unraveled before him.

_"Did it hurt?" Harry asked reverently, trailing gentle fingers across a pale boy's arm._

_"Yes. So much, it felt as if my skin was peeling away from my flesh." The pale boy whispered, his voice low, scared._

_Harry hummed gently, looking up into the gray eyes._

_"I'm sorry you went through that." He whispered, leaning in and planting a kiss on the boy's forehead._

_"I had to protect my mom. No matter what." The pale boy replied, eyes fluttering closed when he felt the lips on his forehead, taking comfort in the simple act of affection._

_"I know. It was incredibly brave." Harry replied, smiling._

_"Thank you Harry." It was so soft, barely a breath, but Harry knew it had been spoken, and he drew the boy into his arms, not speaking a word more._

Harry was struck by a pang of pain upon the memory blinking away.

_Before._

There was _before._

He didn't remember. He wished he could hold the boy again. He wished he could be holding him instead of floating in this void.

_Loss._

His insidious mind whispered traitorously, reminding him he'd lost this boy.

Harry's windpipe felt clammered, stuffed with glass that was cutting into him from all sides, choking him.

His heartbeat sped up again.

His body still hurt.

Another scream roved through him. He felt so raw here. 

So trapped. _Cursed._

Cursed to long for a love he would never have. Cursed to watch himself smile in a sweet, shy way he would never here.

Even the tears spilling out of his eyes burned him, razing a path down his cheeks.

~

Just as Harry had settled down, relaxed and finally started breathing evenly again, and just when Draco's heart attack had been staved off for a bit longer, something else went wrong.

Because _of course_ it did.

Harry had started crying.

Big, fat tears were spilling from underneath his closed eyes, pooling on his cheeks while his chest dipped and rose rapidly once more.

"_Oh bloody hell_.." Draco whimpered, standing from his chair, leaning over Harry, hesitating for only a moment before placing both his hands on Harry's shoulders. His face was still so pained, now tear strained, looked even worse, and Draco swore he could have dissolved into tears himself as well then and there. 

"Harry..Please.." He pleaded, skating his palms across the planes of Harry's chest and collarbones, moving them up to his cheeks, wiping the tears away. "Don't cry, please, I'm so sorry, please.." He rambled incoherently, holding the raven for dear life.

~

A rush of calmness knocked Harry backwards.

What? What was that?

All the pain ebbing through his body stopped, all the pain flowing through his mind waned and all Harry felt was an overwhelming sense of calm and comfort.

He couldn't bring himself to question it as the sensation of hope tingled through him. He took a deep breath again, this time filling his lungs completely, feeling free.

The abyss seems to have lightened, the heavy darkness not as dark now.

Harry smiled.

~

Draco could have been standing there, holding onto Harry for hours, and it wouldn't have mattered.

He'd stopped crying. He was breathing normally again, if a bit slower.

The blonde wasn't sure what sort of Purgatory Harry was trapped in, but he knew he would give anything to pull him out of it.

He noticed the pinched expression on Harry's face had eased away somewhat, he didn't look as troubled as he did when Draco had come in here with Weasley and Granger.

He was sure they'd be coming back tomorrow, and he chewed on the inside of his cheek. He hoped they could get along, because when Harry woke up Draco wasn't letting him go and if his friends didn't like it they were welcome to fuck off. Still, he knew that Harry wouldn't want that, so he settled for attempting to at least get along with them, for Harry's sake.

Merlin, the stupid git had _ruined_ him.

~

Harry felt the warmth start to trickle away from him and he reached to clamp down onto it, trying to hold on for as long as possible, yet it was useless. The comfort was gone as soon as it came, and the pain replaced it again.

He groaned pitifully, the emptiness gaping inside him.

_I was never yours to lose and I never will be._

The words came back to taunt him, in the absence of the calm from a few moments ago.

"Not mine to lose..not mine to lose.." He felt himself speak on a choked loop, he felt himself cry and break.

~

Draco had fallen asleep curled into Harry's side, and was woken up by Harry muttering something. The blonde sat up blearily, and blinked down at Harry a few times, before zeroing in on the moving lips and small pained murmurs.

"Not mine to lose..not mine to lose.." 

Draco's heart sank seven floors, any hopes of going back to sleep disappearing. 

_No. Don't. Please._

Harry's voice cracked while he kept repeating it on a loop, tears pouring out of his eyes again.

Draco clasped a hand over his mouth, to stop a very loud, ugly sob from waking up Pomfrey and shook his head in denial, as if Harry could see him. 

"No, no, I was wrong I was wrong--" His voice cut off while he tried to take a breath. "Yours, Harry, _yours_, please, don't cry, I'm sorry--" He sounded desperate even to his own ears, but it didn't matter.

He pulled Harry close to him, burying his face into the mop of curls, arms tightening around his waist, back pressed to Draco's chest. The blonde kept pleading, apologizing, babbling things that made no damn sense, but he was scared, and he just wished Harry would wake the fuck up so he could tell him everything to his stupid beautiful face.

~

Needless to say, Draco didn't sleep a wink that night, although Harry's mutters had died down. The next morning he ingested as much coffee as the elves were willing to bring him, and talked to Pomfrey about trying to work out how to help Harry, since they didn't have much time at all. She agreed and closed the infirmary for visitations, leaving him alone to focus.

Right. Use the bond as a link to Harry's magic.

Simple, right?

Draco felt his fingertips tingling as he tried to shake the nerves out of his hands. 

He hadn't a bloody fucking clue how to do this. 

He sat on Harry's bed, and closed his eyes. He thought about how well they clicked together, despite everything between them, how much Harry trusted him, how much Draco trusted Harry, how Harry would always somehow _know_ what Draco thought of or wanted without needing to be told, how he was always pliant and willing to please Draco. Draco thought about how green his eyes were, bright and cheery, how they darkened with lust, how they widened with surprise, every shade familiar to Draco. He thought about how connected he was to Harry, realized he _needed_ him, how quickly it all happened, yet it felt as if it had been happening for years. And perhaps it had been. 

A flash issued through Draco, and he felt himself pulled somewhere.

His first instinct was to panic and push away, but he didn't. He recognized the familiar tingle of Harry's magic that would sweep over when he'd cast a cleaning charm over them after they were done, and surrendered to it. It guided him slowly, until he came before a wall. It pulsed and pitched and Draco knew he was where he needed to be. He needed to be let through. 

"Harry.." He called out, softly, and the wall wavered and pulsed with a light ripple.

"Not mine to lose.." Draco heard those _damned_ words pour out of every ripple, echo in the space around them. His heart choked him up.

Then, rapidly, the wall of Harry's magic snapped and violently wretched Draco back to himself, pushing him out. 

He gasped and gasped, trying to take a deep breath while his body thrummed from the energy he was surrounded with a moment prior.

As soon as he was able to form a thought, he called for Pomfrey. He explained to her how he'd been rejected entry, that this attempt was a failed one. She nodded, seeming to understand, and told him he couldn't try again today, because Harry's magical core will be too rattled by the intrusion to allow for it a second time in a day. Draco swallowed his panic and nodded. This was an entire day's worth wasted, and he only had two more to manage this.

She called for the elves to bring him a meal, and then cast a diagnostic spell on Harry, noting with a frown the rift had gotten bigger. 

Draco paled, staring at Harry, who looked even more pallid than yesterday, almost sickly so, his black hair too stark a contrast against his skin. 

_Let me in._

~

Someone had called out his name through the darkness.

Harry reached out to them, but felt himself recoil.

The voice..

It was the same voice..

_I was never yours to lose and I never will be._

He withdrew into himself as if stung, though it felt that way. 

Harry felt the darkness shape around him, cocoon him away, his own fear of the pain flashing through him the first time he heard the sentence again not allowing him to let the boy in.

Though he wanted to. 

He still couldn't recall his name.

Perhaps, if the boy called out to him again, he'd dare to be brave...

~

Later in the day, Weasley and Granger came bustling in, finding Draco with Harry's head laid across his lap, carding fingers through their friend's hair. Neither of them flinched upon seeing that, though Weasley did pull a face for about one second, before it vanished into something friendlier.

"Hi Malfoy. How is Harry?" Granger asked, a fond look playing in her eyes. Draco swallowed and shrugged:

"Alright, just sleeping." They didn't have to know, to worry. They might've even blamed him, and he had no mind to deal with that.

"Have you tried to do the..soulmate thingy..?" Weasley blurted, no grace behind his words as usual.

"Are you always this eloquent and articulate Weasley or am I dreaming?" Draco cocked an eyebrow, an amused smile tilting his lips. Granger snorted, and Weasley grumbled under his breath.

"Ah anyways, yes, I did try. He didn't let me in." Draco continued, looking down into Harry's tumultuous expression, saddened.

"You couldn't have rejected him rougher if you'd tried, mate, surely you weren't expecting it to be that easy." The ginger shrugged, and Draco scowled:

"I _know_ what I did Weasley, I do _not_ need a reminder, thank you very much. No, of course I wasn't expecting it to be that easy either, I'm not daft." 

Weasley fell silent and blinked owlishly at Draco's outburst for a moment. The blonde sighed, not looking away from Harry:

"Sorry Weasley. I just wish.." He trailed off, biting his lip. "I wish I didn't fuck up this badly."

Neither Granger nor Weasley knew what to do with this fit of honesty, but Granger seemed to recover first.

"It'll be fine. Harry always pulls through." 

Draco nodded, fervently wishing she was right. 

~

Harry waited.

Waited for the boy to call to him again.

He wanted him to.

He wanted to be fought for.

Although Harry didn't remember _before_, he had a veiled shroud of knowing no one ever really fought for him much.

He wanted this boy to be different.

Because Harry knew he'd fight for him if he had to. 

He knew he loved this boy so much, and despite the scarring words spoken, he was sure that him reaching out meant _something_. 

Perhaps he'd changed his mind?

Harry waited.

~

After Harry's friends left, Draco was surprised to find Pansy strolling into the Hospital Wing as if she'd owned the place. Ah, the typical Pansy fashion of entering a room. Her eyes landed on him immediately and she grinned at the position he was in. Still sitting up, fingers buried in Harry's hair, the hair he always complained about but actually _adored, _Harry's head in his lap. She walked up and patted his shoulder:

"You look like Death warmed over, darling." Pansy greeted and Draco snorted:

"Thanks, love you too. Didn't get much sleep last night."

She pursed her lips:

"Your sleeping beauty giving you trouble?"

Draco snorted again:

"You have no idea."

She nodded, sitting down next to Harry, giving him a quick once-over.

"Potter's looked better, I must say." 

"Oh _much_ better, trust me." Draco gave a wry grin and Pansy pretended to gag.

"You would know. So what's the plan?" She twirled her hair around her fingers.

Draco explained everything to her, and she nodded listlessly at him.

"You'll do it. I know you will." Pansy assured, smiling. Draco looked away and frowned.

"Hey, Draco, I know you will. I know you _can_. I must get back to the common room now though darling, they're asking questions, and someone has to make sure the Malfoy name isn't sullied." She stood and patted his shoulder once more, strolling out.

Draco sighed, he was so grateful to have a friend like her. He knew she earnestly believed in him, and it never failed to make him smile. He looked down at Harry again:

"You'll wake up, you bastard. I'll make sure of it, and when you do, I'll give you hell, and a few dozen kisses too."

~

Harry frowned. It didn't seem like the boy would reach out to him. He felt as if he'd been waiting for hours.

He started feeling hopeless again, acutely aware of the gaping void gnawing inside him. He wished it would go away, leave him alone.

He wished he could get out of here.

Stop remembering the _before_, all it did was hurt him.

As if on cue, another memory flashed.

The boy's face twisted into a hateful, ugly sneer, while he spat:

_I don't fucking care Potter. About you._

Harry felt his heart crack against his ribs, felt the thumps rise and rise and speed up, he started to loose breath.

The boy didn't care after all. 

Harry had dared to hope the boy would come back for him, but it seems he was wrong. Sorely wrong. Gods, how it hurt.

How it fucking burned. He felt pulled apart, the thumps of his heart so loud and frantic in his ears he thought he might lose his mind.

And then suddenly....there was silence.

His heart had stopped beating.

~

_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> what have i done oh my god? *hides*


End file.
